I want to spend money….

Not only do I want to spend money I am struggling to keep from spending.  It started with the….it’s almost Easter and I _NEED_ an Easter dress.  I don’t need an Easter dress and I really can’t afford an Easter dress.  I still owe my March tithe.  My head says “but but you don’t have anything light and colorful really to wear for Easter and wouldn’t it be nice to have a new dress”.  Nice….yes.  Need or necessary no.

I thought I had done pretty good because I did not go through my normal I am going to rent a cabin in the woods for Palm Sunday weekend.   I research and research and sometimes go so far as actually putting out a reservation or inquiring about renting and then cancel the week before.  It helped that I will be out of town half the next week for work and beloved said he didn’t want to go.  If he didn’t want to go and I wasn’t going to get to see him half the next week and into the weekend then I didn’t want to go.  Add to that I had been paying bills and I just couldn’t figure out how (without using credit) I could afford it.  I had even made it through the “must get new golf pants for Tucson business trip”.  I went and put on the ones from last year that fit and while they don’t look the greatest they will work.  As will all of the cute golf shirts I bought last year.

Then the whole Easter dress thing came up.  So I had pretty much talked myself out of that (and honestly while looking online hadn’t really found something that jumped out at me) and was out ordering the table decorations for Easter (generally I would buy local and then take in suitcase but since I have longer trip not enough suitcase room) and then the “must get Easter gift for everyone” voice started up.   Brief station break to say that I did have my act together enough to look in the Easter box to see if I had some plates left over from last year.  I spent almost an hour looking for cute coffee mugs for the whole family that say “love” without being corny or too religious.  Fortunately I managed to not spend the money.   Then the very insistant voice of “must buy God son Easter gift” roused itself.  So there goes another half an hour.  I am proud to say that I managed to talk myself out of that.  It also helps that what do you honestly get a 1 year old about Easter.  He gets excited about an empty box and a spoon.  Someday I should do something but fortunately it doesn’t make sense this year.

See what I mean about must spend money.  I have so far successfully worked through those land mines.  It was time consuming but I did it.  I think this is where I have failed in the past.  I put myself on the strict budget and follow for awhile and then just snap.  Once I snap and buy things I don’t really need or want I beat myself up and either start over again (spending 2 months financially recovering) or give up.  How do I get past these things?  I have read some people talk about they give themselves a spend on anything bucket and then use it but they don’t get anymore until the next refill.  That might work.  I have been trying the “think about what little successes I have had and how great they feel and wouldn’t it be nice to have more them”.  Also doing the “everynight I open Quicken and look at how much money I owe” trick.  While it has been kind of working I don’t believe it to be sustainable.  So maybe I need to look seriously at how to fund the crazy money fund, where to put it and how much to put in it.  *Sigh*  I suppose if this was easy I would have already done it and everyone else would have too.